Chronicles of an Inspired Single Mom

Hello, hello, helloooooooo. I’m always excited to drop some inspiration on this forum. I hope everybody where-ever you are reading this that you’re in the best of health and living, growing and navigating life with a grateful heart!

In my reflection upon life over the past few weeks I’ve decided to drop this gem ‘Humble Beginnings’! WHY? you may ask…Why not is my response. It’s time to break the taboo of hiding, thinking that you’re doing something wrong or that everyone else is living a better life than you. So since I’m bold enough to put my business out here I’m gonna be bold enough to be transparent about where I was and I am currently in life.

Picture it me 19….somebody’s mother! Up until this point I’d live a sheltered life. Living at home everything supplied by my parents who did the best they could with what they had. Doesn’t that describe you as a parently currently?Doing the best you can with the hand that you were dealt or with your current circumstances or situations?…anyways I digress… So how do you go from being a teen, doing ‘regular’ teen activities and school to providing and caring for a whole little person and giving them their basic needs and wants and secure savings over 5 figures in your bank account?!!!!

Story time

So after I had my daughter I lived with my parents for a bit. I contributed to some of the bills and secretly brethren me did bexxxx!!! I was annoyed I had to contribute that amount but now looking back…I would run back and live and pay whatever they ask (I have lived and learned..Kamille weeps).

Around the time my daugher was a month shy of 2 years I moved to St. Lucia to attend Teacher’s College, and yes I took her with me. The apartment we stayed in was fully furnished. I was on scholarship and still being paid my full salary,(for the first year of the course) then half salary for the duration of my studies. Life was good-o lol. I figured out a way to live off the scholarship and not touch my salary. She was fully potty-trained in less than 2 weeks so no need for expensive nappies and wipes, and I found a lovely lady adjacent to my home to baby-sit her while I was at college until she started preschool. Up until this point I didn’t struggle with money, because I did not have any serious financial obligations. I paid my bills on time and put food in the house as I saw my parents do as I was growing up, but if I’m honest I spent money loosely, as I was pretty much still living a sheltered life. After college I moved back home with my parents.

Life Got serious

When my daughter turned 5 we moved out of my parents home and into a rental apartment. In addition to this big move I bought my first car.(Looking back now I would never make two great financial moves like that simultaneously) So there I was, 24, living on my own with my child, on a teacher’s salary, bills and food to accommodate for and a car loan to repay. Papa Jesus! I wasn’t ready. It didn’t take me long to realise the math wasn’t mathing and I soon started capitalizing on my talents(teaching dance during the summer) and sparetime as a teacher. I sold snacks at work, dukana to a few people(a cultural delicacy in Montserrat) once a month, and worked alongside a caterer on my off times at work. I was gonna make the money to support us because she was my responsilbilty and I wasn’t going to ask anyone for help or worse admit I was struggling.

There was a fridge in the apartment and not wanting to add anymore financial stress on myself I kept it for a year then finally got rid of it when I got a new and better paying job. Listen nobody else could open that fridge besides me. Chile you had to put your foot under the door and open it ever so slightly otherwise the whole door would come off the hinge! Listen! Once in a while it would fall off and I’ll hear my daughter shout ‘mommmmm’! Fridge wherever you are thank you for at least keeping my food cold! Then there was my awesome corner table, nicely positioned in my front room where I kept floral arrangements etc, psych! It wasn’t a table at all but an old speaker box that my landlord had thrown out. Nobody knew. It was well covered and decorated! You learn to be creative when you’re on the come up.

The first year in our apartment was rough because you’re buying things as you go along, managing all the bills on your own and ensuring your child has what she needs. I remember the first pot-set I purchased which was quite cheap but in my budget. I would soon discover why it was so cheap when it started turning my food black! I handwashed our clothes you heard me right, handwash until I eventualy bought a washing machine; and when christmas rolled around that year I had to decide on buying christmas presents or a christmas tree. Listen I had a Croton (plant) in my living room and I nicely put the presents around it! Who said you needed to have a christmas tree! choopse. At that time credit cards weren’t popular(at least not for me) but having a line of credit with your local grocer was; so sometimes when money was low, that’s what I did, take groceries on credit then pay off the balance when things were ok. (I dear not ‘trust’ and don’t pay cause I wasn’t gonna see my name posted on a list somewhere!! marmieeee)

Anyways things got better when I got a senior job in the bank and so the financial stress lifted to a certain extent. But as they said mo money mo problems! Just as the waters were settling, we migrated to the UK and everything I’d worked so hard to build or lay a foundation for went through the window and I had to start all over again.

New Beginnings or Not

For the first few months I lived with my sister, then my daughter and I moved into a semi-detached home. It was fully furnished so the ‘only’ things I had to get were kitchen appliances and the like, beddings etc. I had a baby on the way and when I saw the prices of pushchairs or prams I was like..past me a wooden cart! My arms were open wide and I accepted second hand clothes for my children and I have no shame in it! I got clothes I also gave away clothes..life is a cycle, we’re here to help each other. The house had everything except a dinning table I spied one on amazon but until then I was buying things strategically and the first thing I needed was an iron and ironboard, so when my daughter had to do her homework… yep you guessed it, on the iron board!

Some months later we moved to a new home (unfurnished) but I wanted it this way. And so I sort out second hand furniture to furnish most of the house and bought other things we needed overtime. We walked or caught the bus and the occasional uber or taxi; until 2 years ago I purchased my 2nd car which served me failthfully till the end or tried to. I would’ve still had that car chugging merryily along but the ac never acied, the stereo stopped working, some of the windows decided they preferred to stay up and after failing the M.O.T test and payimg an arm and a leg to have it fixed a strange noise appeared that the mechanics never seem to hear so I called time of death and traded it in for a new car.

There were instances I suffocated myself financially or going without (which I sometimes still do) so that my children can have what they need especially when it comes to their education, and exist at a standard of life that I was raised at and even better at times. They don’t know how things appear but they are always confident that mom will come through.

Overtime and after being a parent for 14 years I’ve learnt to say no, to take my time to get things done and not feel pressured into attaining certain material things, to make better choices financially, (I’m not going to go broke or hungry living above my means)how to live on a budget(most times), shop around for deals and discount and sacrificing for the greater good.

I was hustling along trying to complete many things even before I was thirty (example building my own home) but now I’m giving myself grace and realising life is not a sprint and especially as a single parent you are doing what a two-income household is doing. So my encouragement to all my single moms, parents or people in general out there, work smarter not harder. Don’t drive yourself into debt to look successful like your peers or give yourself high blood pressure working 10 jobs to support a lifestyle that is slowly killing you.

Sometimes I laugh at my younger self, my daughter had 20 pairs of shoes and was barely walking! Why? Now my son has 4 or 5 basic trousers for church and the same pair of jeans for going out because I refuse to constantly throw money down the toilet buying things they will grow out of in a few months. I disliked my daughter taking up my stuff! Yes I hated to share; but now I chuckle when she walks past me in my jacket or shoes(one less thing to buy). I laugh (because if I don’t i’ll cry) when you spend months saving and one bill have you transfering that money right back into your account to cover said bill.

Listen a lot of us out here struggling but pretending to be boss chicks or men. But if you have it all sorted congrats to you but until I get to that level, I’m gonna continue to shop at Primark, eat my no-name brand Aldi food and chug around in my little Kia Picanto and enjoy this humble life. Watching where I am in life sometimes frustrates me but when I look back and see how far I’ve come I am eternally grateful and proud of my humble beginnings and the wisdom and strength I’ve gained along the way. Be proud of your humble beginnings.

Until next time my dearests….besos