Chronicles of an Inspired Single Mom

Hello beautiful people!🥰 Welcome back to another weekly blog post. I pray that you’re in good health and everything is well in your neck of the woods. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope that you’d be inspired by today’s reflection. NOW!!!Let’s get into today’s story.

My babies are growing like french weed (Now 13 and 4)so my days are less hectic. However a few years ago this was not the case. I really had to listen to my body, evaluate my life as it was and make the best decisions for ME!

Picture it, Birmingham UK, 2017, Sunday- church day-loud gospel music-big cooking-rushing-baby crying-kids to get dressed-dress myself-the works! This Sunday started off like my typical Sunday; which means I would’ve been up from 6 maybe 5am, cook, pack Amir’s bag for church, prepare breakfast etc etc etc. Now growing up Caribbean and pentecostal, it was or is rather a habit for most to cook before going to church so that you can eat your meal when you get home from church. Now caribbean people like to cook what they call Sunday dinner. I remember days when I was younger where there would be 2 sometimes three different relish (lol) on a Sunday and a plethora of side dishes..rice, macaroni pie, baked sweet potato, steam veg and salads!( I just gained 5 lbs thinking about all that food)

This particular Sunday I was really feeling stretched. I was tired from all that cooking, stopping periodically to feed or attend to this crying baby, then comb Dinyka’s hair for church. Things were seemingly going well, the food was cooked, bags packed, children dressed and it was time now for me to get ready. The children were downstairs in the living room sitting down waiting on me. I heard Dinyka shout to me that Amir had ‘pooed’ and she was going to change him. Moments later she called out Amir was moving too much and it was becoming difficult to change him. Now Amir was as that stage where babies wriggle and try to crawl away whilst changing them but in my estimation she could manage because she had done this before. I was becoming a bit agitated because all I wanted to do was to get dressed in peace..just 20 minutes to do my hair, mediocre makeup dash on a frock and move…is that too much to ask?😩

A while after I heard a desperate plea for help. “Mom the poo has gotten on the carpet!” Now I’m really getting annoyed and frustrated but I decided to head downstairs to see what was going on. Ladies and Gentlemen..boys and girls…members of the jury I almost died! People I screamed! A huge chunk of my once plush, grey carpet was now mustard in colour. At this point I was like..’throw the baby away!😒 (a term that expresses you’re done with a situation..we’re not throwing any babies anywhere..just to clarify) I had to bathe him again, new outfit, try to do damage control to the carpet, finish get dressed and YES YOU GUESSED right… go to church! Why you ask? because that’s what we do especially as mothers. We plow on as if all is well.

When I got to church I felt like a deflated balloon. I just wanted to curl up in the foetal position, put my thumb in my mouth and go to sleep. I fixed Amir’s car seat carefully in the bench said my hellos and hi’s to the brethren and settled in my seat as service began; but if you had on 3D glasses you would’ve seen me as I just melted into a puddle on the floor. I don’t think I even heard much of what went on in the service and there was one time when I thought why didn’t I stay home? Outwardly I looked so put together but I was dying on the inside. I wonder how many mothers feel like this on a daily basis? Trying to manage your child or children, work,relationship, maybe your business or whatever your busy schedule entails. Killing yourself to be perfect or present please at every school, church or community event. Trying your best to “have it all” when sometimes you need to just stop and rest! Stop, grab a bag of doritos or a fruit bowl put on some sweatpants put your feet up and do nothing!

After that Sunday I realised that I was going to have to do things differently. I needed to take the unnecessary pressure off myself. The big crazy Sunday dinner wasn’t necessary! (to be honest most children would just rather some rice or macaroni and sausage🤷‍♀️) If I didn’t get the dishes washed the world wasn’t going to end. If I had to miss church or another event to stay home with the children for whatever reason, that was OK! To everything there is a season and sometimes we need to recognise the season that we’re in and adjust ourselves accordingly so we do not suffer from burnout.

Sometimes people judge mothers or parents harshly not knowing what they may be going through. Behind the smiles of a lot of parents are well hidden tears or peaks of frustration. If you are feeling a bit overwhelmed you need to stop and evaluate where you are and how you can make things better for you and your family.

1. Pace yourself

2. Listen to your body- if you need to rest, rest, take vitamins, exercise, be sure to take care of you

3. Be organised- plan ahead of time or prepare by packing bags the night before, ironing clothes…

4. Weigh your options – sometimes you need to simplify your life and you don’t need to explain why to everyone. Some people will just not understand.

For those who have children who are in an independent stage or maybe you don’t have any children yet, or perhaps you are a teenager who has younger siblings or cousins. Be the village! Be the support team that that mother needs. Instead of criticising or talking about them lend a hand. Sometimes that mother needs you to:

1. Be understanding
2. Not criticise but show compassion
3. Offer help
4. Tell your story – give them tips about how to navigate through their current situation. If you’ve gone through a similar situation tell them how you got through it

Thank God I’m way past the potty-training stage and that I can look back and laugh at the incident I described and so many others. Life was meant to be enjoyed not endured. So whatever stage you’re in as a parent enjoy it. Simplify your life so that you can enjoy the blessings of each day. Do not try to do too much and miss out on the beauty and lessons that each stage has to offer. Besos😘