Chronicles of an Inspired Single Mom

Hellooooooooooo and welcome back to my space! I do hope that you are well in mind, body, soul and spirit and you are showing up as your best self wherever you trod.

Today’s blog post I wrote over a year ago but didn’t post it because I was afraid I may upset someone. Then I realised life is not a comedy show and sometimes you must have hard conversations even if it means there will be more against you, than with you. With that being said here’s my 2 cents on today’s topic.

I’m sure you clicked on today’s link real quick when you saw the post and I’m certainly glad that you did because parents I need to speak to you; to us, because I’m preaching to myself as well. We are failing our children, I repeat, we are failing our children! I shudder to think what the world will look like in the next 10 years because we are currently raising monsters. Our children have no respect for self or others, they have no boundaries, nor do they understand boundaries, they do not seem to understand what is acceptable and not acceptable in a school or other social settings. We are setting them up to fail and we are readily providing the tools to do so.

As an educator and a volunteer in different capacities I see young people from all works of life and I must say the behaviours, attitudes and overall mindset that they exhibit at times is worrying.

Our children have developed a culture where…if you’re not my teacher or parent or someone who directly deals with me, ‘you can’t talk to me!’ They feel like they can speak to an adult in any tone or language and it’s fine. I know this to be a fact when a child decided to call me a d*** and when reprimanded did not think it was necessary to apologise, because she saw nothing wrong with what she said.

In a society where social media and technology are running the world and raising our kiddos, there’s a growing concern that our children are been desensitized and have no real moral compass. It is sad, and it is as bad as I am making it to be. We need to look up from our phones and look away from the jobs that have us tied by our souls and see what’s happening with our children. Think for a second, if you can’t manage your child at home, why do you then blame teachers for not controlling a class of 30 children when more than half of students now have a behavioural or attitude problem. Why do we lie for them or cover up the deeds they do instead of correcting them and challenging them to do better and be better?

Our girls

Our girls are being sexualised and groomed to think that they are all about their WAP (their words not mine, check their social media pages and see…this term was more prevalent a year ago) their flawless makeup and smart mouth. Being wholesome and pure are a thing of the past. Some don’t even see the need for a good education. Having good morals and manners no longer exists. The conversations I hear on a daily basis leave me speechless. These young ladies know more than I did at the age of 21. They call each other b**** but get offended when someone calls them that! The music that they listen to has corrupted their state of mind and they are prone to thinking that what the likes of Cardi B, Lady Gaga, Nicky Manji and the like say is golden. Some of them exude a thug-like behaviour and think their ability to wear brand clothes and change a sexual partner on the whim validates them. They speak foul language and no longer realise why this type of speech offends or basically sees nothing wrong with it! You try to have a conversation with them but can go only so far because they are rather shallow and have no depth to them. Beyond telling you about their lace-front, eyelashes, where to get your nails done, how to contour, the latest tiktok trend or who said or did what on snapchat they have nothing else to offer in a conversation. Some don’t know what their talents are or what they want to be in life. Their phones are their worlds. They are lost!

Our boys

No longer look out for their sisters. Some only care about their games and what ever sport they are affiliated to and can’t see their life beyond this. They carry a hard exterior, pop off and fight at a snap of a finger rather than deal honestly with their issues because this animalistic behaviour gives them street credit and makes them more of a man! A sobering moment for me was hearing from my daughter and niece telling me about boys who have chatgroups and talk about girls that they’ve done things to or potentially have as a target. The lack of fathers playing their roles within their sons life or consistently doing so, or those who model certain behaviours that their sons now follow is a cause for concern. Our sons are heading to the streets to get into petty crime to feel a sense of belonging and family. They feel that they’ll get rich from selling t-shirts online and its better to move bricks than have an education.

Parents are bending over backwards, priding themselves on dressing their children in name-brand from head to toe, or killing themselves to get them the latest phone or games. We’ve adopted this saying…I’m giving them what I didn’t have!’ But all I see we’re giving them are material things. We’re spending less time instilling values and morals or boosting their self awareness and self confidence which can take them a mighty long way in this crazy journey called life.

What’s worse than our children’s behaviours (once you’re under 18 you are classed as a child) are those children who feel like their parents don’t care about them or love them.

When last have you sat and had a honest heart to heart conversation with your child? When last have you switched off from your regular program and spent time with them, to do an activity of their choice? When last have you gone through their phones or check their browser history to see what they have being doing or who they’ve been talking to? Do you know who their best friend is? Do you know if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend? What are their days like at school? Do they even have friends? Do you approve of their friends? Where do they go when they leave home and say ‘I’m going to hang out with……?’

****note that I’ve been saying we because sometimes life gets busy and I miss things as a parent but I stay mindful to reel things in before they get to the worst.*****

The good thing about working with children is that you get to speak to them and plant good seeds. They will tell you things even when you beg them not to. I remember one day discussing crime with a set of teenagers. One chap decided to tell me about going into a store to steal something, getting caught by the shop owner but his grandfather coming to his rescue and punching the shop owner! What example are we really setting for our children? A set of teens told me of house parties they go to, or just out chilling in abandon buildings with their friends and its ok with their parents as long as they are back home by 11pm and when they arrive home, their parents do not ask them where they’ve been or what they’ve done?

I watched from my daughter’s bedroom window one day, as a young boy who came to play football on my street got in an argument with my neighbour. He hurled profanities at this 60+ man. When the child’s parent came along I thought surely he’ll defuse the situation. Nope he jumped into the conversation and started cursing out the man too. I was like wow. I closed the window and told the girls do not open it again, do not indulge in that behaviour. Parents when we teach our children to disrespect people it won’t end in that one off occurrence. You are setting them up for failure. I hope that parent knows its just a matter of time before, that child will be cursing him out in his own home too. See when we teach or condone certain behaviours it is not just acceptable in that moment but the child is taught I can do this wherever and to whom ever I please.

The hard part is there are parents who do try their best to give their children the best life and ensure that they are well grounded but sadly it sometimes seems like the world is drowning out our voices. But I’m appealing to us all as parents STOP and take STOCK. The bible says in Proverbs 22:6 ‘Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it’.

Our children are so impressionable! Giving up on them is not an option. Leaving them to their own devices and devises is not an option! Allowing them to have their own way without speaking wisdom into them is not an option. Our children need to know that we are their parents, not their best friend so my job is to guide you through this treacherous world. You are the parent for a reason. Don’t count yourself out. The teachers can’t do it alone. It starts first with you and if you are too busy, too tired, too occupied to be bothered then what will become of your child, your niece, your nephew, your godchild…your neighbour; because they are all our children.

We’ve gone wrong somewhere. This train has derailed and we need to figure out how to fix it.

I wish I had jokes for you today. But all I have is a heart filled with concern for our future generation.

Thanks for reading today’s blog post…Until next time….besos!